Do You See What I See ?

Growing up, I spent much time with my grandmother. My mom was teaching, so I would go to my grandmother's house before and after school. I'd even go to her house for lunch during my elementary years. She was very kind, to the point where she would let me speak brashly to her in my seasons of awkward and angry development. Coming from a very strict family, I wouldn't dare speak that way to my parents. The consequences were much too strong. So, I vented where I knew it was safe. How sad was that???

During my sophomore year in high school, I began my first experience working. I turned 16 and got a job in our local music store. I absolutely loved it. I would spend some of my weekly pay buying sheet music. It was heaven. My repetoire grow enormously that year. I'd come home from work, sit at the piano, and play, and play, and play. It was the love of my life. The place where I felt safe. A place that I alone would occupy. It was all mine.

Since my grandmother lived in the house behind ours, my parents would have her keep an eye on us (my brother and I ) while they were out. Oh, how I resented that. It made me feel like such a child. I was in high school for heaven's sake. What's wrong with this picture?

Everything changed, however, the night my parents chose not to inform her of the meeting they both had. They left us......alone. And...............grandma didn't even know. That was huge for us. I did, however, choose not to change my usual routine, which was to finish my home work , practice the piano, and then enjoy playing my new music. One of my favorites was called 'The Sweetheart Tree' from the movie,The Great Race. It was just beautiful.

As I was enjoying the moment, I kept thinking of how my grandma would really like the song. So..............believe it or not..................I called, and invited her to come and hear it. I know...What can I say??

Anyway, as she sat in my Mom's chair near the window across from the piano, and listened to me play, we both began to cry. I stopped playing, crossed the room, and knelt before her with my face in her lap. All I could say through my sobbing was, "I'm sorry." It was a time of cleansing, forgiving, and repentance.

I wish I could say that from that point on we had a wonderful, loving relationship. Well, I can't. The next day, she was found on her living room floor unconscious. After being admitted to the hospital, we were told that she had a stroke, and time would tell if she would recover. She never did. Two weeks later, she was gone.

"God, I hate you!" was my heart's cry for years after that. All I could think about was my disappointment in His timing to take her home. What a waste!! I would never be able to have a loving relationship with her again. How unfair! How cruel God was to end our new beginning.

It wasn't until 10 years later that I chose to embrace the gift of Jesus Christ as my hope and redeemer. I was miserable and needed help for my heart. All that anger, over a period of time, really does affect you. I remember my first Bible Study group where we talked about God's love. I still had alot of anger in this regard, and it was obvious to everyone. I decided to share my story with them, and repeatedly mentioned how cruel He was to take her home when he did. Then came the revelation.

They encouraged me to see the situation through God's eyes. Could it be that He knew that she would be leaving this realm the next day, and that He loved me enough to make a way for our hearts to bond once again? I can still feel those words explode in my spirit. It was all in our perspective. Wow!!!!

God knows what we need.....when we need it. God is Love!!!

God encourages us, for our heart's sake, to see what He sees. And now, I can say to you........... Do YOU see what I see??????

Your Name - Blessing or Curse? Part 3

What's in a name????? I'm not sure what the motivation was for your being given the name you were given. I can only speak for me, and the impact that it has had.

I think you'll need to read parts 1 and 2 to receive the full benefit of this response as to whether your name has been a blessing or a curse. There are many ways to break curses, but for me it started with just a different PERSPECTIVE. God blessed me with HIS eyes to see.

First of all, in the choosing of my name. - Yes, the standard was set, but what I had forgotten about was God's GRACE. Seemingly unattainable goals can bring serious pressure if you are not taking into account the Grace of God. Grace becomes the burden-free encourager. Would I have liked to have been that perfect well-rounded student that my Mom was so fond of? Of course. But, could I accept my flaws...and the possibility that I may never reach that lofty goal??? Only by the Grace of God!!!

As for Beautiful Stranger......................God changed my perspective there as well. He showed me that my Spirit was beautiful because He had placed the beauty of His Holiness within me, and that I was not of this world. I was of the Spiritual Kingdom which He had planned for me to live in. Therefore, to this realm....I WAS a stranger. How Wonderful!!!!! I never thought I could delight in being strange, or even a stranger. But, in Him, I am. And that's OK!!

So.....................what about YOUR name. Could there be attachments there as well??? The love of God is continually encouraging our hearts to be free. Do you desire freedom enough to let God shine His Light in that area? For me.....................it was well worth the time and attention. I pray that you will, too. You just might discover something very special that you didn't even know.

God...................Is That YOU?????

Shhhhhh.................I think I heard something!!!! Have you ever been caught off guard by a sense that someone is wanting to get your attention. Ways such as actually hearing a voice call your name........ When no one was around; feeling like something or someone brushed up against you.......when no one was around?? Well, if that's YOU.............you're not alone. Remember.......the Kingdom of God is Spirit, and scripture is filled with numerous occasions of Divine Encounters. Maybe you have spoken to people who have had Divine Encounters and wondered why you haven't??? Put your heart to rest. Let me share..............I cannot even count the number of encounters I've had. But, what I do know is that there was always a Holy reason for them. God is NO respecter of persons. If you have had one, then God was answering a heart cry in a way that would minister to you the best. And..............God is the best judge of that. We do not control the Spirit realm. He does. All He asks of us is to have a surrendered will, and let His will be done.......on earth as it is in heaven. And guess what?????????????? Heaven is alive!!! Let God touch you His way. Be open to His Divine Intervention and be Blessed!!!!

Be Yourself!!! It's easier said than done!!

BE YOURSELF!!!!! Yes, it's much easier said than done for a lot of us. When you've been spoken against for who you are, mocked for who you are, belittled for who you are, etc........it's just not that easy to rise above and be free. Any words that are spoken contrary to God's opinion of you are considered a curse. We are either blessing(releasing God's heart) from the Spirit, or cursing(releasing our own fears and insecurities)which is from our own wounded soul. Both will have a powerful result.

God wants us all to be blessed and free in our hearts. He really loves us and wants us to see what He sees.

I pray that you will all come to know His truth about who you are, about how He wired you, and what HE thinks of you. Ask Him to show you and give you the strength to walk boldly, the humility to forgive freely, and the desire to love deeply.

It's God's Season For Harvesting Hearts - Be Blessed!!!

Little Me

This is, without a doubt, my favorite picture of myself. It speaks volumes to me. Have you ever looked back at yours with new eyes?? Maybe you'll discover a key to unlock areas of YOUR heart that have not been set free, or parts of your personality that you've forgotten about. Every so often God brings me back and says..................now it's time for more healing and freedom. Are you ready??? It's simple and quick if you yield your heart to His.

I haven't forgotten about Part 3 of Your Name............just thought that this was needful right about now.

More freedom, Lord!!! More freedom!!!!

Your Name - Blessing or Curse? Part 2

Have your ever wondered about the meaning of your name? It was popular in the past to look up the root as well as the meaning. My saga continued, believe it or not, when I discovered that the root of my name came from the word....barbaric. Nice, huh??? To add to the disillusionment about my name, I discovered that the "Christian" meaning of the name Barbara was........Ready??...............Beautiful Stranger. I'm sure you're wondering why I'd be so upset about that. Well...............here's my story.

For as long as I can remember, I never felt like I belonged to this world. Spooky, right??? Not really. I was one who saw things other people didn't see......felt things other people didn't feel..............and knew things other people didn't know. People just thought that I had a vivid imagination, which frustrated my heart like you can't even imagine. Not being taken seriously, or not being believed, to me was a curse. I deeply wanted to connect, yet I always felt alone, especially in the ways that mattered most to me.

Which brings me to Beautiful Stranger. The beautiful part, well that's another issue altogether. No, I went straight to "Stranger". My need to be accepted screamed at the thought of being a "Stranger" I wanted to be loved and accepted, and who gets close to strangers, or people who are strange, right??

As the years went by, I did realize, however, that there were others just like me. How did I know that? When I was brave enough to share, I could hear the unspoken responses, such as....."Oh My Gosh, she's just like me." Or, " What a fruitcake!!!!" As I grew in sensitivity, I would just be able to stand next to someone and know. It's something that says," You are...or you're not".
I realized that the real way to know someone was by the spirit. Their words and body language only reveal the condition of their hearts at that moment, but the touching of the spirit gives you the true essence of who they are. That's what God sees, and that's where He does His eternal work in YOU!!


I'll let you ponder that until tomorrow when I continue my story. In the meantime.......maybe you'll discover something about yourself. That's the specialness of the journey.

Blessings!!

Your Name - Blessing or Curse? Part 1

I've always hated my name. Never REALLY knew why until Junior High when I thought I would explode if I didn't begin to question the thoughts that kept rolling around in my head. Thoughts like....."Who named me Barbara... and WHY"?
It seemed as though every time I'd hear my name, I'd cringe. WHY? What's wrong with the name Barbara anyway?

Back in the 50's and 60's it was common....even popular actually. There were songs written with my name right in the title. Songs like 'Barbara Ann'(very famous) and 'Please Don't Ask About Barbara'. Anyone remember those? My closest friends would sometimes call me Barbie...partly because I looked like her, but mostly because I was BLOND, if you know what I mean. Very smart, very talented...... but very BLOND. I have some great blond moments that I'll share later. You'll have a good laugh, I'm sure.

Now back to my emotional trauma. I remember the day I told my Mother about the feelings I had concerning my name... and there it was, the answer I was looking for, staring me right in the heart. And oh, did it hurt.

Being a teacher, my Mother, as with many, had her favorite students. This one in particular was named Barbara. She was bright, talented, well-behaved, polite, and everyone seemed to like her. Basically....the perfect student. So, she named me Barbara in hopes that I would be just like her. The standard was set, the expectation was in the air, and I was subconsciously trying to measure up. Most would say that Barbara's profile was a lot like mine. My Mother, however, would have taken exception to that statement. Her observation of me was........stubborn, outspoken, scatter-brained, always wanting the last word, tattle-tail, academic underachiever, and the list would go on. I do have to say, though, that she would always rave about my musical talents to friends and family, which ended up being a turn-off to most.

In all fairness, I will say, that my Mother's intent was to have a daughter that would succeed in life. She truly wanted the best for me. I certainly understand, being a Mom myself. My objection was not the desire, but the process. And, I'll say it again, my Mother truly wanted the best for me. I know that. We walk in what we know.....and regret what we didn't see. Thank God for forgiveness and restoration!!!!

So, there it was. High expectations, that I never felt I measured up to, and a pattern in my life that lasted way into my adult years. So, what would be the catalyst that would break the cycle of performance and the curse that was attached to my name? And, what would give me the freedom to be the Barbara that I was created to be?